♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

I can only describe the cramps I’m having right now

as the armageddon of my womb.

I had such a nice day with Erica.

We had great conversations all day long and meandered around LACMA for a few hours. We got yelled at quite a few times for standing too close to the art work, BUT WE WANTED TO EXAMINE THE TEXTURE.

I’ve been home for an hour now and I wish I wasn’t feeling so lazy. Lately I haven’t been working Friday nights and since I don’t have to work until 6PM on Saturdays, I should be spending this precious free time going out and socializing.

I would like to, but that would require me taking a shower and putting on acceptable clothing. I’m also completely broke now and owe my roommate’s 40 bucks for utilities. 

I don’t mind staying home and I always love alone time, but sometimes I wish someone would come grab my arm and pull me out of bed and force me to go have some fun. It’s fucking 9PM. WHAT AM I DOING IN BED?!?!?!

Oh and another thing

I know it sounds super appealing to listen to sad songs when you’re feeling sad…but do yourself a favor and listen to dance music. Really loud. Drive down PCH. Roll down your windows so other cars can hear your music. And dance. Not too crazy ‘cause you don’t want to get in an accident. Feel really cool. Maybe smoke a cigarette, I don’t know. Wear cute sunglasses and roll all your windows down and sing along to a song that makes you feel really happy.

Except no more cigarettes for me because I smoked too many refries and gave myself either A.) a gross lung infection or B.) bronchitis. Gross. I totally know how to give myself a confidence boost but the care and keeping of my lungs has proven difficult.

I do not exactly deal with heartache very gracefully,

but when I see my friends bummed out over the opposite sex, I feel it is my moral duty to express to them how fucking amazing it is to be liberated. You’re all on your own now, navigating this new life where you can do what you want, say what you want, be who you want without ever feeling a hint of shame.

A brutal dumping by someone you really care about, especially when it’s out of NOWHERE, is not the best feeling in the world.

Please…do yourself a favor and cry, scream, vent, spew hateful verbal diarrhea everywhere…I love it. It’s cool. If you feel like no one will listen, trust me…I have all the ears in the world for a girl who wants to talk shit on their ex-boyfriend. That kind of stuff? Fun for me.

I will warn you now, though. Everybody has a limit. I have figured out my limit. I usually grant myself two days to be as spiteful as possible. I pick two girl friends who I know will listen without judgement and I tell them everything on my mind. After those two days are up, I usually have nothing left to say. And I feel a lot better. Kind of like the way it feels to beat up a punching bag. Except you mentally beat up a dude with words he’ll never have to hear.

(Side note: Do not trash your ex to his face or to his friends. It does nothing but make you look desperate and feel shitty. Only vent to your true friends who will not ‘cause unnecessary drama.)

The rational part of your mind will start to kick in eventually and you will say to yourself, you know what…he is human. He is totally allowed to not have intimate feelings for me anymore and that is perfectly fine. I have at least once in my life liked someone a lot and then one day realized, this person is not really on the same wavelength as I am so I should probably end this relationship. I understand his feelings because I have experienced them myself. Although I am slightly offended and still hurting, I wish him happiness and peacefulness and a fulfilled life, because that is what I want for myself. In my mind and my heart I know that I am bad ass, super charming, sexy when I feel like it, intelligent, opinionated, and FREE. FREE AS A MOTHA FUCKING BIRD. Just because he does not see that, doesn’t mean it isn’t true. It is so true. In fact, most of the women in my life are just as cool, if not cooler, than I am.

I like to think of a break-up as your last day in prison. You are free to do whatever you want now. I know a lot of girls think “My boyfriend and I are not clingy, we let each other do whatever we want and oh look at us, aren’t we so normal?” I’m guessing that kind of romance exists somewhere in the world, but have I ever witnessed it first hand? NO. Every. Single. Relationship. that I have witnessed has been a very controlling one. Someone always wants to dominate. I think we all need to take lessons in COMPROMISING. No one ever gets THEIR way because history has proven that LIFE IS NOT FAIR. We must always meet in the middle. If you can’t meet in the middle, then agree to disagree and make it work or go your separate ways.

Sure…there were good times… But seriously, make a mental list of how many times your significant other has made you feel less than stellar. I have way too many examples of men in my life have doing me wrong. I wish I didn’t have to say this but I have had my spirit and my body disrespected by unworthy men. I’ve learned to be careful with who I let in. I am fucking precious, I refuse to be disrespected ever again.

I have fabulous female support. I do not know what I would do without my mother, my sister, my girl friends, my teachers from high school who serve as my role models, and the female authors who have inspired me to embrace feminism and all things female. I love my anatomy.

I am not a man-hater. I have male friends who are near and dear to my heart. I even have a man who fulfills my sexual needs and listens to all my ranting and even hears me out when I have to tell him how angry he makes me. I am totally aware that there are very lovely, interesting, complex men in the world. But females? We are so so so much cooler. I’m telling you this with all the confidence I have.

Just remember, yes a break-up sucks but it is never the end of the world and we are all deserving of unconditional loving and if that’s not what we’re getting, then get the fuck out of my face and make way for someone worthy.